


Warm Nights

by SlimeLime



Category: Octopath Traveler (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Implied Past Abuse, Internalized Transphobia, Intrusive Thoughts, Literal Sleeping Together, Maybe OOC, Pre Alfion if you wanna see it that way, Trans Alfyn Greengrass, Trans Characters, Trans Therion, Trust Issues, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23780842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlimeLime/pseuds/SlimeLime
Summary: So Therion had a lot of reasons to not be the biggest fan of sleep. And then there was that apothecary. That damn apothecary.(AKA Therion and the inherent intimacy of sleep)
Relationships: Alfyn Greengrass & Therion, Past Darius/Therion (Octopath Traveler), Primrose Azelhart & Therion
Kudos: 37





	Warm Nights

**Author's Note:**

> So to elaborate on the warnings in the tags
> 
> Implied Past Abuse: Darius and Therion were implied to be in a relationship, and Darius is implied to be emotionally abusive. Also, Primrose's backstory is mentioned, but there's nothing graphic 
> 
> Intrusive Thoughts: Therion deals with various intrusive thoughts at certain points, which include self blame, internalized transphobia, and mild suicidal ideation
> 
> Internalized Transphobia: Therion has some intrusive thoughts that deal with "not being a real man" due to him being pre everything and non dysphoric 
> 
> Basically fuck Darius

Therion had grown to hate the ordeal of sleeping.

It was  _ annoying _ . Living in the Cliftlands, he had to deal with too warm nights, and too dry mornings. It took much too long to actually  _ fall asleep _ . Even then, he tried to match his sleeping schedule to those around him. It was when you are unconscious you are most vulnerable, he knew, and he hated that. And besides- dreams. Even when they weren't nightmares ( _ falling- sharp stinging- vision blurring- fear and betrayal and rushing wind and hatehatehatehate at the fact he wasn't  _ **_good enough-_ ** ) the "good" ones were hardly better. They just weren't as horrifying, but they still disoriented the hell out of him. 

So Therion had a lot of reasons to not be the biggest fan of sleep. And then there was that apothecary. That  _ damn  _ apothecary.

He had come to the Cliftlands on a whim, is what he said. Flipped a coin for Sunlands or here. And Boulderfall had been the closest town. 

So it was pure chance that Therion met him, as he was giving one of the poor men a splint for his leg. Nasty fall, he heard (not like yours  _ don't think about yours _ ) and heard his backstory. Something about a traveling apothecary- wanting to be like him- his services were free. 

Therion isn't sure why he did it. Maybe he liked the idea of someone who could keep him from dying. Maybe he was bored. Maybe pity, because he knew the guy wouldn't last long without the money to - you know-  _ feed himself _ .  _ Andmaybetheguywasalittlebitattractivebutwh ocares-  _ but for whatever reason, he had picked up a teammate in his search for dragonstones. And that meant traveling with him, which meant sleeping with him.

It had started on the road. It was simple, sharing a tent, individual sleeping bags, etcetera. Theriot made sure to sleep facing the apothecary (his name was Alfyn. He'd have to remember that. Alfyn, Alfyn, Alfyn…) and he didn't seem to have a mean bone in his body. That didn't mean he was safe… Therion had been tricked before. He knew better. His trust was hard to earn.

Then came sleeping in inns. They shared a room, it was easy enough. He slept on the floor, Alyn took the bed. Alfyn had tried to resist, but Therion was adamant. He said it was more comfortable, and while it didn't seem like Alfyn believed him, he still dropped it. It was the truth, after all. He tended to be rather… mobile in his sleep. And the last time he had fallen out of the bed… 

(He had been frozen on the floor. It was so different but somehow his brain said it was happening. It was happening again and he couldn't stop it and this time he wouldn't be so lucky and this time he was a goner and he couldn't breath and he couldn't move and he felt his blood rushing and-)

(And he should have been better by now. Then. What was wrong with him? Was he always such a coward?)

And it was fine. It was fine. And then they went to Sunshade. And met Primrose. 

Now, normally, Therion would have expected to sleep in a different room from the woman. But, considering the group consisted of a thief, a pro bono apothecary, and a former dancer, money was tight. And with Alfyn encouraging three meals a day, they had to cut elsewhere.

And elsewhere happened to be at the inn.

So, when they were getting ready to sleep, Alfyn offered the one bed. Primrose seemed to tense at that, and Alfyn further offered to share the floor with Therion. At that, Primrose seemed to lose so much stress that, if it was weight, Therion swore she was ten pounds lighter. She tucked herself into bed, and Therion realized… he almost saw himself in her. 

(Later, with teary, reddened eyes, she would tell him of her employment. She would pour her heart out to the seven of them, and it would be the first time Therion had cried in years. After that, sometimes they would look at each other with a sad understanding in both their gazes. He would tell her first.)

And he and Alfyn would lay down on the floor, not to close but not too far. The first few times, there was a lingering worry that… something would happen. It was never clear, so he had no way to think through it properly. He simply worried until he was too tired. Then he'd pass out, and wake up with the other two. And then he'd regret it and Alfyn would chide him on bad habits and he would roll his eyes and Primrose would smack him on the back and they'd finish whatever they needed to do and that was that.

After long enough, he began to trust the two of them (trust was dangerous-), he knew they wouldn't hurt him (you thought the same thing about him-), and for the first time in… however long, he slept peacefully.

Then they met H'aanit. A part of him had bristled at the suggestion of bringing her along… but. Even if she tried to hurt one of them, there were three of them and one of her. She wouldn't be able to get far, he reasoned. And even then… her conviction, her devotion to her master and the world, and her soft smiles… she seemed...

Trustworthy. All three of them were, weren't they?

So they continued to share one room at the inns. H'aanit and Primrose shared the bed, and he and Alfyn shared the floor. Very little changed. But there was a new peace, where if one of them awoke, the others would be alert. They were ready to defend each other, though the danger never came. It was new to Therion.

By the time they got to Flamesgrace, he had nearly silenced the voice of distrust in his head. Alfyn was a bit of a bleeding heart, while his had seemed to be frozen over. Primrose was devoted to justice, while he had almost worshiped cruelty. And H'aanit believed in using only what was needed, while he had been a man of greed. They were  _ good _ people.  _ They weren't  _ **_him_ ** . (They weren't like  _ you- _ the voice said. But he shushed it.) But when they had to stay in an inn in the  _ godsdamned Frostlands _ , the voice came back.

It was new, and it was hellish.

When they had come to the inn, they had been  _ strongly advised  _ to book separate rooms. They had been told a decent bit, as none of them had come from anywhere nearly as cold, and it seemed to be obvious to the innkeeper. She had told them in no uncertain terms they would want their own beds, and that they would want to huddle together for warmth. And, when face to face with the idea of sharing a bed with the man he had come to trust,  _ the voice came back- _

(He'll know. You won't be able to hide it. He'll know what you are. He'll know and he'll hate you. Darius did. He hid it but it was so clear on his face that he seemed to barely tolerate you but it was okay because he loved you and would never hate you even when he tried to kill you and Alfyn is the same  _ but he doesn't love you and he'll just hate you because Therion you know no one will love you and what you are just makes it harder and don't even try your not even a man are you you were so afraid maybe if you hadn't been so afraid of what it would do to you Darius would have loved you enough and he wouldn't have hurt you and godsdammit, Therion, what's wrong with you don't you want to be a man even if you know what you are you aren't a real man and what the FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST _ **_DIE-_ ** )

And as Alfyn changed into his nightclothes he steeled himself and-

"Hey Therion?"  _ what is it oh gods-  _ "can I tell you something? I don't- uh- want to surprise you I guess- well it might be a bit surprising but- oh, shucks. Um. So- do you know what… being trans is?"

At Therion's blank stare, he continued-

"I was- born and- well, my parents thought I was a girl. And they were wrong- so…"

Therion paused to think- "are you saying your body is- what about your- your chest? It's-" 

"Oh, uh, flat? It wasn't always like this." And before he puts on his shirt, he traces his fingers along subtle pink scars under his pecs- "I got em removed about a year ago. But uh… I still don't have… the. Lower bits. Not the ones I want, anyway, not yet at least-" and while he was flustered and explaining himself, Therion began to hyperventilate. It wasn't all at once, but the voice- 

(see, you could have been a man if you weren't such a damn coward, why didn't you just stay a girl if you didn't even want to commit, _what_ _the fuck is wrong with you even, see, even though he isn't one yet_ he _wants to be a real man what are you even doing-_ )

And all of a sudden Alfyn had a hand on his shoulder and was telling him to breath and he was- he wasn't okay but the voice shut up for a second and that was enough for now and-

"Therion, Therion, what's wrong? Are you- are you okay? Should I- oh gods, what do I do, Therion? Please-" and all at once Therion is pulling Alfyn's body closer to his own in Orsterra's most awkward hug and almost sobbing but not quite and-

"I'm not a man, Alfyn, oh gods,  _ what is wrong with me _ -" and he feels like all the air is being sucked out of him and- "I want to be a man but I don't want  _ that  _ because it wouldn't make me happier and it wouldn't be  _ me  _ but how can I call myself a man if I-" and a gasp chokes his words and the voice is his own but it is Darius' voice coming from his lungs and he'll never be free and oh gods and-

"Therion." And Alfyn's tone brings him to look up, to meet his eyes, and they are filled with something that isn't pity but that is infinitely soft as he runs a hand through his hair and- "Therion. I can't- I can't define what you are for you but- it isn't what you have, or don't, or  _ whatever  _ that makes you a fuckin- you're a man, Therion, if you  _ want to be a man _ . Hell, I'd be a man if I had the biggest chest and longest hair in all Orsterra because- a man isn't what he has. Whether that be his body or his possessions or- or fucking- what makes a man is  _ who he is _ , and that's  _ it _ . And Therion, if who you are is a man, you. Are. A. Godsdamned.  _ Man _ ." And with that, he pulls Therion into his chest. 

And Therion doesn't cry, (one day Ophilia will tell him it's healthy to cry- and he will think of this moment- and that is enough to make his eyes misty-) not yet, but he breathes. In and out. Slow and steady. And the voice doesn't speak. It was a monster, and Alfyn's words an axe. And like that they stayed, until they were almost too tired to move. And they slept in the same bed. And for once, Therion was glad to sleep. The Frostlands were cold. 

But it was a warm night.


End file.
